Michael Scott

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Now that the seven day All Line Rail Rover adventure is complete, here are the Mike and Norman awards for excellence and otherwise. We travelled 3517 miles on 43 trains run by 14 operators.  A tiny part of the British rail network, but it’s fun to dish out these awards anyway. Our tickets allowed us first class travel where possible.

Well done to Wrexham & Shropshire who blew us away – five awards for you!

• Highest speed train, according to my GPS: Southeastern High Speed (140mph).
• Longest journey: First ScotRail Caledonian Sleeper between London Euston and Inverness (590 miles, 11 hours 15 minutes).
• Best food: Virgin Trains (Spicy prawn, chicken and chorizo paella between Euston and Carlisle, smoked salmon on scrambled egg between Oxenholme and Warrington Bank Quay).
• Best service: Wrexham & Shropshire Railways (Efficient taxi service(!), wonderful train, wonderful staff, wonderful ale, wonderful food, free newspapers that AREN’T just the Times or just the Independent)
• Best train presentation: Wrexham & Shropshire Railways. (Shiny! Silver! Restrained grey and black interior! Acres of leg room!)
• Shabbiest trains: Arriva Trains Wales. (Old trains, peeling paint, smelly old men)
• Best announcement: Wrexham & Shropshire Railways. (“Welcome to the train to London Marylebone. We are due to arrive at 15.15. Thank you for traveling with Wrexham and Shropshire”).
• Announcement most likely to make you want to jump from the moving train: East Coast. (“Welcome to the East Coast service to London Kings Cross where we’re due to arrive at 10.43. I am Boring Bob Who Loves The Sound Of My Own Voice, your Train Manager today and this service calls at Darlington, York, Newark Northgate, Grantham, Peterborough and London Kings Cross where this service terminates. If you are traveling on advance purchase tickets please ensure that you have both portions of your ticket and that it says the 1043 train to Kings Cross for today’s date. If it does not, you will have to pay the full standard open single fare. If your ticket is marked XC Only or IAMAFOOL, or ABC or DEF, please note that your ticket is not valid and you will have to pay the full standard open single fare, or I may have to pull out your fingernails. Please note we do not offer complimentary first class upgrades. We have complimentary wi-fi on board and coach B is the quiet coach. If you are sitting in Coach B please ensure that you help us keep it that way by switching all electronic equipment to the silent mode and if you need to make any calls please use the vestibule ends. Safety notices are posted at the ends of the coaches please take a few minutes of your journey to familiarise yourself with the information on these notices. If you need any assistance today, please do not hesitate to contact myself or my on train crew.  We have a cafe bar and trolley service on board, serving a wide range of drinks and light refreshments, please listen out for an announcement from our team, if you can bear it. Once again thank you for choosing to travel East Coast. I know you won’t ever again because this 17 minute long announcement will have driven you to suicide by the time you’ve heard it for the fifth time just after Peterborough”)
• Friendliest staff: Wrexham & Shropshire Railways. (Everyone smiled, even the driver gave a cheerful wave to someone as the train pulled into Gobowan!)
• Grumpiest staff: National Express East Anglia. (Snappy, grumpy, miserable)
• Best range of on-train ales:Wrexham & Shropshire Railways. (Local bottled ales, served at-seat by our knowledgeable Scottish host)
• Most ridiculous “first class” seating: Southern. (Exactly the same as standard class, not separated from standard, just has a “1″ on the window and differently coloured seats)
• Coolest seats: First Great Western. (Mmm – leather)
• Most garish “clown train” interior colour scheme: National Express East Anglia. (Lilac and bright blue!? Where’s the ball pool?)
• Most un-GPS-Friendly train windows: East Midlands Trains. (Grrr – shiny windows meant I couldn’t get a fix to track the journey).
• Fastest journey: Virgin Trains (92mph average speed between London Euston and Carlisle)
• Worst design of sockets for chargers: First Great Western – positioned at an angle atop the table, meaning square Apple laptop chargers won’t fit!

And a few facts from the journey, just to prove how much of a geek I can be!

• Number of journeys: 43.
• Distance travelled: 3517 miles.
• Average speed while on a train: 47mph.
• Average speed between the start of the first journey and the end of the last one, even when not on a train: 22mph.
• Highest altitude: 1514ft (Between Perth and Inverness)
• Number of celebrities travelled with: 2 (Pete Posselthwaite and Robert Hardy).
• Number of trains arriving late: 12 (28%)
• Number of trains arriving more than 5 minutes late: 2 (4%).
• Number of trains arriving more than 10 minutes late: 0.

The photographs from the week’s adventure are on my Rail Rovers 2010 set on Flickr.